Helplessness Is A Terrifying Thing ( with Crisis Resources)

Feeling out of control and like the whole world is turning into a soggy shit sandwich is really one of the worst feelings that you can experience. And when you suffer from anxiety and depression it becomes ten times worse.

I have struggled since I was a teenager to cope with the big wrenches that life likes to throw at you - and admittedly, when I was 16 my coping skills sucked. Three attempts to take my own life, and destructive behavior could have wiped me off the earth before I even had a chance to live. My coping skills have improved, but some days are still a struggle.

Recently I was diagnosed with several autoimmune issues that had me staring down the barrel of having to go on disability before I was even 40. When you have a husband on disability already, 6 kids, a business and responsibilities it can feel like you are drowning and there is nothing to keep you from going under. I'd like to say that I turned to tarot to get me through, but that would be a load of crap. Truth was, I was angry. Angry at the universe for handing me this disaster, and angry with myself/my cards for not being able to see what was coming. It wasn't the card's fault of course, but for a while it made me feel better to have something external to hate, rather then my own body which was turning against me from the inside out.

I had to step back from my business, and from technology in general because it simply was too frustrating or infuriating when I couldn't make my hands type another word, or my eyes went blurry staring at the screen. It got so I bad that I would lay in my bed and cry about how broken I was, and how my family deserved better then to deal with a broken wife/mom.

It is so important when you are feeling at the end of your rope that you don't let go. Sure, family and friends may not understand, or may tell you that they wish you'd talk about something else... But you have the right to tell how you feel, and to ask for help if you need it. Somedays all I need is a hug from my baby girl to make things better but other days I need to sit down and talk to someone. That second set of eyes and different point of view sometimes make all the difference. So if you are feeling overwhelmed, ​​​​depressed or even suicidal there are options for you.